Walking Wounded
by Ocean Light
Summary: Fresh off of being dumped by Maria, Michael immediately tries to heal the wounds that threaten their love but finds that Maria becomes more distant with each word.


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Title: Walking Wounded

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Author: Ocean Light (sweetielb85@hotmail.com)

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Fandom: Song-fic for _Roswell. _It's a Michael and Maria story, and I'm using The Tea Party's "Walking Wounded" - lyrics aren't mine. Neither is _Roswell_. 

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Synopsis: Season 3, post-"Behind the Music" M/M breakup. Fresh off of being dumped by Maria, Michael immediately tries to patch up the wounds that threaten their love but finds that Maria becomes more distant with each word. Angry and confused, Michael searches for advice and ends up talking to two people who've had their fair share of relationship problems. 

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Note to readers: While reading my story, if you're wondering what the numbers and asterisks mean, here's a little explanation: I wanted to kinda "document" what I've used directly from certain episodes. So, I've made a list of each usage that I'll put at the bottom of the page. Seem simple enough? I hope so. I just don't want anyone to get on my back about the copyright mess. 

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P.S: For everyone who has watched the third season, try and think that "Significant Others" didn't occur for Michael and Maria. Act like it didn't happen. I just thought that some of the conversation between them would be relevant in this story, kinda like more reason for confrontation or discussion. 

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P.S.S: I didn't proofread either. Eek. 

Ok, hope you enjoy. Reviews are always welcome. =) 

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(1) *"Why do you want out?" he sadly questioned.

"Because, Michael, I don't think I've ever been _in_. I mean, this girl you've known for the past three years - Maria - it's just not me."

"Of course it's you!" 

"No, it's not the me I used to be." 

"Things change."

"Yeah, things change."

Michael couldn't believe his ears. "Just like that?" he flatly mumbled. _What did I do wrong?_ "Will you come back to me?" 

Rising, she shook her head and gave back the flowers that Michael had brought her. "I don't know."* She turned and gloomily stepped along the stony sidewalk, which now looked barren and lonely, towards her home. 

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Is it safe to look within?

And erase all that's been

And all that's been between

Is it gone? Tell me what went wrong

'Cause baby I'm not that strong

"Maria, wait." Michael couldn't bear having her walk out of his life this way. "Please wait."

Her pace quickened away from the bench Michael was occupying and she didn't dare look back at the man who was calling to her. It was literally taking all of her strength not to stop, run into his arms, and apologize. Walking away was killing her, but she felt that it was the only thing left to do. 

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And I'm walking wounded

All alone, all alone

__

Think, think, think. _Don't let it end like this._ As Michael searched his mind for answers, the space between their bodies gradually widened until she was only a speck in his vision.

"Well, this isn't working," he muttered. After moments of his heart and pride battling it out, his heart proved victorious and he finally gathered the courage to chase after her. 

It wasn't long until he was at Maria's side – and she wasn't even giving him the time of day. Through the time she had known him, she'd been able to master her cold shoulder, and she was about to happily put it to good use then. Before Michael was able to say a word, Maria pointlessly warned him. "You know my hearing is selective, so you're just going to waste your breath."

"Would you just give me a chance to explain or make it better?" 

Her continuous power walk and crossed arms gave her solid, stubborn answer. 

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Are you comfortable and numb?

Did they all succumb to all those lies?

Does it satisfy the greed?

Is it all you need?

Is it all you want?

'Cause baby I'm not that strong

(2) *"Damnit, Maria!" 

"Damnit, Michael!"* she mocked with the same frustration. "What is up with you? I mean, why do you care all of a sudden? What is this, you never care…"

"Don't pull that crap with me. The question is what is up with _you_! Drink some cypress oil or something."

Maria dangerously cocked an eyebrow at him. "Drink it? That's very funny."

"Fine, no jokes. I'm not giving up this easily, Maria. In the past three years, when have you ever given up on me? It wouldn't be fair to you if I didn't fight for us."

"How can you possibly fight for us if you're never there?"

"_What?_ What are you talking about? I'm right here!"

(3) *"Sleeping? Or are you just waking up or are you going to bed? Or you're at work or you're at school. Where you're not, Michael, is with me. And even when you are with me, it's like you're not _with_ me."

"I am!"

"No, you're not!"

"Everything I'm doing - the jobs, getting my grades up, is to be with you - to be better for you. So, what do you want me to do? Tell me. I'll do it."*

"Alright," she said quickly, stopping directly in front of him. "I want you to call Billy. What you did was so unbelievably wrong and you owe both of us an apology."

"For what?"

"_For what_!?" Maria yelled in disbelief. "You have the guts to ask me _for what_? Michael, don't you remember telling me this morning that you wanted him gone? Don't you remember that little jealousy trip you went on, forcing _me_ to be the bad guy?"

"I wasn't jealous. Why would I be jealous of Billy?"

"I don't know, why can't _you_ answer that? Billy was my junior high friend, my geeky band camp friend who used to write songs with me," Maria spoke with indignation, "You just make yourself happy and say that you weren't, but I know you were."

"No, I wasn't!" he bellowed back. His anger had been emitted to such the amount that three streetlights exploded in unison with his scream.

With sporadic cracks of lightning searing across the clear, moonlit sky, Maria frightfully turned and continued her trek home, away from Michael. 

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And I'm walking wounded

All alone

And baby I'm not that strong

And I'm walking wounded

All alone, all alone

He was on his last nerve, and he couldn't understand what was upsetting her so much. "Maria, I'm going to ask you one more time to stop and talk to me about this." 

"Just go home."

"Alright, I've tried being nice. Stop or I will _physically stop you_ and hold you down." When Maria didn't comply, another streetlight exploded, shattering glass all across the sidewalk and even on her. She stopped, no doubt in shock, and tried to shake the glass from her hair and clothing. 

Speaking so rapidly that she ran her sentences together in long gushes, she said, "See, Michael, this is what you don't get, this right here, this scares me, these spontaneous bursts of energy that come from you. I can't handle having this burden on me- the burden of making sure I don't make you angry, because oh no! Michael Guerin can't get upset - he doesn't have control over his alien powers, when he's furious or jealous, things all around him start to _explode_. Nope, it's not his fault, it's the person who made him mad. Don't you get it, Michael? It is _exhausting_ worrying about how you'll feel and constantly making decisions based all around _you_. I mean, yes- I want to be with you, I always have... but to constantly live in fear of making a mistake… that's not living, Michael. Everyday I've thought about our future, but now because of this thing with Billy, it's dramatically changing in front of my eyes, I know I'm not perfect and I know this isn't the last time I'll upset you- but what's next, huh? What's next after random objects blowing up? It moved from that salad flying up in my face, to the whole stock shelf in the Crashdown shaking, and now streetlights are exploding, sending shredded glass towards me!!! Really, what next? You're going to kill me if you keep this up." 

Exhausted, Maria had stopped right before Michael was forced to interrupt. But now, seeing the look on her face… the emotion, clearly present in both her watery eyes and shaky voice… he was rendered speechless by her brutal honesty. 

"I just need time, Michael. _Time_." 

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And I'm walking wounded

All alone

For the last time, Maria turned and walked away from him - and Michael finally learned not to follow. All he could do was stand and watch her walk in the opposite direction. Her dark clothing camouflaged her small body with the darkness surrounding her, and her sunstreaked hair, the only thing Michael could recognize at this point, was becoming less noticeable with the increasing distance.

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How does it feel,

How does it feel?

Having this young woman - his first and only intimately committed relationship, his fiery princess, and his sultry singer, his Maria - walk out of his life shattered his heart in twain. As the pieces hit rock bottom, so did Michael. 

He looked down, forgetting the flowers that she had handed back to him. Choler enveloping his broken heart, he wrung the flowers with all of his might and then burned them to ash in his hands. 

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How does it feel,

How does it feel?

Knowing no one else to go to, Michael quickly found himself rapping on Max's bedroom window. 

Max, grown accustom to his friend's frequent nighttime visits, roused with eyes half closed, unhooked the latch, routinely whipped out a sleeping bag and spare pillow, and happily crawled back to his own bed. 

"Don't need the sleeping bag. I'm not sleeping here tonight, Maxwell."

"Then why are you here?" Max moaned, his voice muffled by his pillow. 

"Sit up, I need help - like advice."

"This better be good."

"I think Maria dumped me."

"_What? _You think?"

"Yeah…"

"What was her reason?"

"She says that she needs _space_ because she's changed, but the thing that bothers me the most is that she went on this rant about being scared of me… not knowing what I'll do next, with not being able to control my powers and all. They're still out of whack."

"And why are they still out of whack, Michael? Billy's gone."

"I know, that's the problem! I guess I haven't calmed down enough yet, but every time I see her, I think about when I saw them singing together."

"_Singing_ together?"

"Yes, it was terrible." His overreaction was amusing to Max, who had to hide his small giggles so nothing would spontaneously explode around him. Michael had paused for a moment, looking out the window in a daze. The moonlight splashed across his long, carved and drained face, and his features were much more serious than Max expected them to be. 

"This is bothering you a lot, isn't it?"

"Whaddayah think, Maxwell? My girlfriend just gave up on me."

"Look, Michael. You two will be fine, just give her the space that she asked for."

"That's what I've planned to do… but just the fact… to me, they looked like they were happy together. Like, happier than she is with _me_. And I'm really afraid she'll leave me for him when she gets the chance. Just to get away from me. From all of us," he sighed. 

"Try sleeping on it. You'll feel better in the morning," Max yawned. "Get some rest, you look terrible."

Scratching his head, Michael rolled his eyes at his friend who was getting comfortable under his covers. "So that means the sleeping bag is still open?" 

"Sure," a voice came from the bed. He couldn't see Max's face anymore - it was entirely covered by his pillow, so Michael got the hint that Max wanted to stop talking - but he didn't necessarily honor that wish. After a couple of minutes when he himself was finally comfortable on the floor, Michael's harsh voice jolted the peaceful and dark silence.

"Maxwell." 

"_What_?!" he groaned, pulling the ineffective sound barrier from his head. 

"Have you ever been jealous?"

Sitting up once again, wiping his eyes and clearly aggravated, Max answered. "Yes, Michael. I've been jealous before."

"Did it have to do with Liz?"

"Yes."

"Who were you jealous of?" 

"Where is this going?"

"_Who_?" 

"Kyle." 

"_Kyle_!?"

"Yes."

"Why?" 

"Because. I saw them… together one night. But it ended up not being true. It was all a misunderstanding. A puzzling one."

"So it's not like you were actually jealous then?"

"Yes, I was jealous at the time - when I didn't know what was going on."

"You and Liz are too confusing. But being jealous of Kyle!" Michael laughed, "He's into Buddha, man!"

Max hurled a pillow in Michael's direction and laughed with him. "Shut up. Look at you, being jealous of Billy, the greasy guitar player."

"Is it just me or did he look high all the time?" 

Their laughter carried well into the night, but it wasn't the same elsewhere.

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Clear across town, Liz had hurried to her best friend's house as soon as she got an emergency phone call. Nearly ten minutes after the call was received, she was by Maria's side, listening to all that happened.

"And after I said everything that was on my mind, he didn't say anything."

"Michael didn't say _anything_? That's a first. You must've gotten the message across then." 

"I thought that after I had said all of that to him, I would feel _better_. But I don't, Liz. It's made me feel _worse_," she cried. "With the way he was staring at me, you could have sworn that I was betraying him or killing him, even."

Liz took special care in wording her next sentences. "Try and think about it this way - I'm sure you can understand how he feels." 

"What do you mean?" Maria spoke quietly, grabbing tissues from her bedside table. 

"Well… how did you feel when he was around Courtney?"

"I didn't trust the two of them together… especially not _her_."

"See. Michael probably feels the exact same way with you and Billy."

"But Courtney was a Michael-worshipper, she wanted him. They even kiss-" Maria broke off her own sentence, realizing what she was about to say. Liz didn't have to say anything else, because she knew it was in Maria's head also. 

Yes, it's true Michael and Courtney kissed. But so did Maria and Billy.

"But Michael doesn't know about that, Liz." 

The two friends stared at each other for the longest time. In Liz's face, Maria saw truth and honesty, but in Maria's face, Liz saw the emotion change from disbelief to guilt. The silence continued until Maria broke down into more tears. 

"Did I make a mistake?" she sobbed. "Did I, Liz? Am I the wrong person this time?"

"Listen, you are not wrong if you did what your heart was telling you. I'll always back your personal decisions, and I'll be here whenever you need me."

Maria weakly smiled and curled up on her bed, hugging her pillows tightly and soon after she had been able to stop crying, she feel asleep. Liz didn't leave her side through the night.

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Early the next morning, Liz opened Maria's front door to leave but had her wits scared out of her instead. There stood Michael, hand ready to ring the doorbell. He was just as shocked as she was. "Liz!"

"What are you doing here, Michael?"

"I wanted to talk to Maria before we went to work." 

"Uhmm… she's not going to work today. I'm going to work a double shift so she can stay home." 

"Oh. Alright. I'd still like to speak with her for a moment." 

"I don't think that's a good idea," Liz whispered, stepping outside with Michael, quietly shutting the door. "I'm sorry, but you're the last person Maria wants to see right now. I think both you and I don't want her anymore upset than she already is. Just come with me. Come on, let's go to work." She nonchalantly slipped her arm under his and led him away from Maria's house. 

"How's she doing?"

"She's fine. I wouldn't have left her if she weren't. How are you?" 

"Fine… I just want to talk to her. Be with her. Not have this happening. Saddest thing is - I've realized how she must've felt all the times I've pushed her away. Almost makes me wish I could go back in time… to not say some of the things I've said and not do some of the things I've done to her. Now, I feel like she's almost paying me back, you know?"

"Michael, don't think that. It may be ok after she calms down. She had a small revelation last night, but she's actually a little torn so I think more time will be needed. Just try your best, Michael, please. I care about both of you." 

"Right. Try my best."

The entire day was a living hell for Michael. 

Everywhere he looked, something reminded him of Maria. It was either seeing the waitress outfit that she constantly wore, the place where they first kissed, the many different places they'd made out, seeing her locker, remembering all the arguments they've had in the backroom, about school, about aliens, about burnt hamburgers, about using too much cypress oil… 

Michael wanted to leave since everything about the Crashdown made him think of her. The hours passed by so torturously that he was tempted to call her at least every thirty minutes to hear her say, "Hello?" 

Just hearing her voice soothed his aches, and it's all he needed at this point. But she never answered the phone when he called.

When nine o'clock rolled around and the restaurant closed, he didn't have to be reminded about leaving. He quickly threw his bag over his shoulder and strode out into the chilly, damp night. 

Michael decided to take the long way back to his apartment, even passing by Maria's place before walking through the park. 

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And I'm walking wounded

All alone

And baby I'm not that strong

And I'm walking wounded

All alone, all alone

Once he got to the bench where they had their conversation the previous night, he needed a place to sit down. 

He didn't leave that spot until the sunrise came. He spent that time hoping and thinking that this would turn out in the best way possible. He had wished that she would miraculously show up for some reason… just to sit with him and watch the beautiful view. He wanted to see the golden rays of sunlight shining in her hair and eyes, to hear her sweet and genuine laugh, to smell her clean and rosemary-scented clothing, to feel her sensitive and soft touch, just to know that she was there. 

But she never came. 

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How does it feel, 

How does it feel?

All alone, all alone

And she never would.

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[End]

A/N: Ok, this didn't turn out to be the way I expected it to! This is one of the most depressing things I've ever written! I'm so proud of myself. My writing style became more literal though. I've been trying to improve on that, but in my opinion - it hasn't been getting better. Anyone have any tips or pointers? Always welcome, you know. Just like reviews. =) 

I didn't use many references directly from episodes as I thought I would. 

Here's the small list.

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1- "Behind the Music" - thought I ought to start off where the break-up ended originally.

2- "Chant Down Babylon" – that's not a direct quote, but let's say that it was inspired from this episode, where Maria gets frustrated with Liz's angry drunkenness. I just thought it was funny. =P

3- "Significant Others"

Alright. Michael and Maria fans, you won't be mad at me for long. There **WILL** be a sequel, trust me! There's no way I would leave the two of them unhappy and apart. No way! - Lauren


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